I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
