mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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