Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
