your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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