ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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