Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
