I just pynch a tree in the face
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
