I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
