Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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