im so drunk with asians
where?
always
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
