remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
the day after is always just damage control
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
