you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
