NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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