I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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