so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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