Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
