I can tuck mytits in my pants
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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