What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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