ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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