life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
