YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
there was a trapeze. enough said
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
