My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
