Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
