did you get engaged???
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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