If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Houston, we have a blender
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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