you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
