I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
