Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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