Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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