My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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