I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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