One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
