I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
