Umm I'm too high to move.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
