ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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