Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
