idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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