I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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