Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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