how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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