he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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