he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
