I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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