I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
