and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
