WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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