she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
