apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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