I think I just saw someone hide a body.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
