I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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